thoughts of the day.

Does anyone ACTUALLY give a shit?

I mean, honestly. Sometimes I feel so alone it's not even funny. Like everyone is two sided. Like everything I've ever known, ever loved, is a lie.

What if it is, though? What if it's just a big dream?

What if everything is just... nothing?

---------

You had a bad day.

Okay, now let's make you feel better.

You're on a planet. A huge planet, compared to you. This planet is all made up of gaseous substances - even you. You're just a life form, made with carbon, oxygen, and a bunch of other chemicals thrown in at random spots.

This planet is in a neighbourhood with 7 other planets. Some of them are ten times bigger. Some are much much smaller. And these planets are miles and miles away. Light years away.

Then you have the sun. This fricken huge ball of fire that basically controls your life. Whether you live or die. One day this sun, which is a star, will plode and kill us all.

Then, think of this. This sun is MASSIVE. Think of something a million - no, a BILLION times bigger.

There are stars out there that size.

THEN, you have that hubble deep field picture, where all those tiny specs of light are galaxies in there own. There could be planets just like ours, where there are people just like us. Having problems in their personal lives, just like us. Having misunderstandings. Feuds with loved ones.

But, of course - millions and billions and trillions of light years away. And more.

It's insane to think about what's really out there. There could be even more, for all we know. Something so huge that we can't even wrap our minds around. Something amazing.

So, in relation to all this, we're ... nothing. Nothing at all. Another spec of light; spec of color. Another spec of gas, just going about our business.

Re-reading that, I sound like a fucking pessimist. I'm sorry if I've made your day worst. I'm really just trying to balance out my own feelings, to be honest.

*intensely dramatic sigh*

insomnia

Hey there. Don't you hate it when you feel super super tired, yet you can't sleep no matter what? Yeah, I feel that way right now. I'm deaaaad tired, yet I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. I want to sleep, cause I'll be so tired tomorrow if I don't. Gaaah.

Anyways... I just finished a book last night (this morning?) around 3 am called Just Listen by Sarah Dessen. It was incredible. It has got to be pretty darn amazing if I stay up that late (early?) Then today, I went to chapters and bought Keeping the Moon by her, and I gotta say, it's pretty darn amazing, too. I mean, I'm already over half way finished it.

I'm a fast reader when they're good books, what can I say?

I can't wait till tomorrow when my friend lends me This Lullaby and The Truth About Forever. I hear they're amazing. They probably are... but we'll have to see about that.

Another thing that's on my mind... well... you know the sport ultimate frisbee? Well, I really want to join this league thing through school that a bunch of my friends are joining, but my parents don't want me to cause they think I'll be too busy. I have badminton (ends next week) and then I have this basketball camp thing every Sunday. I think it would be fun to play ultimate, but my dad won't listen. My mom did, though. She actually considered what I wanted.

Hard concept, isn't it?

Ah well. My dad will come around sometime, right?

Watch. He'll let me do it, and I'll end up being bagged, with exams coming up and everything, too. But I'm pretty sure I'll regret it if I don't do it. Gaaaah. Decisions are hard.

I feel like writing. Yeah, just for the record... I love writing. So much. It's not even funny. Writing and reading and... well, anything creative for that matter. I love it all.

But yeah. I feel like writing... but nothing really comes out. Funny, I'm typing this like a maniac, it's coming out faster than my fingers can move. Yet when I open a word document and try to type something else that has nothing to do with me, something completely fiction, nothing comes. Strange, the irony.

Huh. I better get to bed before this post gets so lengthy. Props to you if you're still reading this, though. Your life must be pretty darn uninteresting...

Bye foh now.

another post?

Yeah, another one. Guess I have more to say.

So, what's on my mind?

Here we go... might as well just start randomly...

It's already April 18th, 2009. Jesus. Where did the time go? It feels like I was just that annoying grade sevener walking into the doors of junior high for the first time of my life, scared out of my mind. But now I'm leaving it in roughly two months. What the hell.

It's kind of a good thing in a way though. I'm overly tired, and I just want summer to come. I'm really tired of the people I see day to day. Well, most of them. There are the chosen few that make my life. (Apparently I'm more dramatic than the other thing I was talking about earlier...)

But it'll be a bad thing, too. I mean... goodbye Ayin. Goodbye Kristen. And Jennifer. And a bunch of other people, too. I swear, if I don't stay in contact with them...

Yeah. Life will suck.

So, if you don't know me, I'm sure you've gathered that I'm graduating from junior high in a while. That would make me in grade 9. I'm almost 15 years old.

There, you've figured out my age. Hah.

K... enough for today. Peace ouuuut. =)

very freaking dramatic... HEY, THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN!

Words shoot through tension
Breaking, ice cold
Leave me in silence
Too hard to hear your inspiration
I’ve heard it all before

I know what you believe
What you see through your eyes
They look at me
Like daggers through the heart
Feel the fear being set in stone

Time envelopes us
Like a blanket on a cold day
A warm drink will only help temporarily
We must face it eventually
There is no heat to aid us this time

What with sadness all around us
Our fears greater than before
It seems tears are our only escape

hey there.

Alright so... this is my first blog ever. Well, not technically, since I have blogged before on other websites, but this is my first ... official one. I'll basically be posting my life here, into the depths of cyberspace. Wow, that sounds so dramatic. But hey, one thing you'll learn about be is that I am a dramatic person. Well, I can be. I'm a bit of both. I can be deep and profound, yet I can be really... oh jeeze. I don't exactly know what the word is for what I'm thinking right now, but when I do, I'll edit it in here. It's probably an easy one, too. Not shallow, cause I honestly don't think I'm shallow, but... ahh. You know what I mean. Right?

Wow, I digress...

As I was saying, the loose part of my life will be written about here. I'll recommend some books, movies, etc. Maybe write a couple reviews. Chances are I'll post my work on here, too. You'll know what that is eventually. But basically, you'll just get to know who I am as you read, if you don't already. I mean, honestly... who will read this? Other than a few people that I send the link to. Whatever. If you know me already, good. But if you just happen to stumble across this randomly, then...

Hey there. My name is Carley.